my rating: Fifty-six guilty out of two suspects.

what possessed me: Dahee and I saw this trailer for the latest film by the director of Shimotsuma Monogatari a few weeks ago, and yesterday she reminded me it had opened. That about covers it.

what i learned: I haven’t had such an intense reaction to a movie since I first saw Japanese high school kids in a free-for-all survival game. I can’t say that I enjoyed it, but the world is a little different now that I’ve seen it. I begrudge my own humanity for sympathizing with each of the characters, and I’m ready to deify Tetsuya Nakashima the for putting desolation and heartbreak in such a eye-numbing package. Please, see this movie.

you may also enjoy: Battle Royale, Dancer in the Dark, Riri Shushu no Subete, Evangelion and beauty in decay.

tangential thought: I know it’s a totally common surname, but between Yumi, Mika and Tetsuya, the Nakashima gene-pool seems rife with awesome. And how the fuck did I manage to forget how great Radiohead is?

my rating: Two variations on each of five moe character archetypes.

what possessed me: My favorite 2D lady hits the big screen. This is the kind of thing for which I can withstand the smell that accompanies a theater full of anime fans for over two hours.

what i learned: If I woke up one day in the land of questionably placed CG doorknobs, I would tear the place apart looking for my lost tsundere without a moment’s hesitation. It’s important to appreciate the ones who make life interesting, after all. Also, I like Nagato so much that I was able to enjoy a cappella.

you may also enjoy: Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu, Toki wo Kakeru Shoujo, Back to the Future and the company of odd, irreplaceable friends.

tangential thought: Because I’m against piracy of endeavors I deem creatively worthwhile, I waited until I’d already seen this movie twice before I read the fan-translated version of the novella and headed back to the box office. Yes, my Japanese remains woefully inadequate.

my rating: I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

what possessed me: The title is Attack Girls Swim Team vs. The Unliving Dead for the English version DVD release of this (which can’t even boast a menu, incidentally). So, yeah.

what i learned: I’m starting to understand how my parents and every single one of my teachers during my extended education felt, as there are few things more disappointing than squandered potential. This film has zombies, school girls making out, a chainsaw, a lesbian incest sub-plot, Engrish, school girls making out, a ninja assassin training montage, a laser that shoots out of the hero’s hoo-ha, buckets of gore, school girls making out and juggling. And yet, I’m going to tell you that you shouldn’t see this movie. Ever.

you may also enjoy: Just check out Tokyo Gore Police and The Machine Girl instead.

tangential thought: If a secret organization conditioned me to react to easy listening music with an uncontrolable state of arousal, I’d still never listen to Yanni.

my rating: Two great tastes that taste great together.

what possessed me: I was wondering when a movie was going to be made that brought together my two top priorities in this world; Basketball and flight attendants.

what i learned: With a lot of heart and the support of the right people who might seem stand-offish at first, you can succeed in what appear to be two completely unrelated things. But maybe only if you’re cute, determined and full of moxie. So not really applicable to me.

you may also enjoy: Attention Please, Attack No. 1, Slam Dunk, The Mighty Ducks and getting by with a little help from your friends.

tangential thought: There must be a dearth of actors in Japan, because without knowing it, I stumbled upon this movie featuring some of my old favorites in significant roles, including that insanely cool woman from Liar Game, the awesomely mean lady from Densha Otoko, and the mysterious, icy girl from a whole bunch of stuff. The movie also solves a mystery for me, as it stars the previously unidentified fourth lass known only as “eyebrows” from my favorite old Pocky commercial:

my rating: Three successful Cannon Spikes out of seven attempts.

what possessed me: A hi-def version of this 65 minute film came with my copy of the Collector’s Edition of Street Fighter IV for Xbox 360. Also, Koji Morimoto‘s name is in the credits.

what i learned: Koji Morimoto seems to have very little to do with this production, despite that credit. Also, Cammy is apparently a wuss when she’s not being mind-controlled. It’s fun to see what’s up with the characters, and marvel at the logic involved when the street fighters decide to wear their casual outfits, but the whole thing seems rushed and thrown together. Still, it’s a couple degrees of improvement over Street Fighter II: V, visually.

you may also enjoy: Street Fighter II: The Movie, playing Street Fighter IV.

tangential thought: If you check out images from the game, the character designs are a lot more interesting than they are in this film. However, they decided to bookend the game’s story mode with animated scenes in the same style as this production. I find it a little disjointed, but not as much as my inability to move my thumbs the way I did ten years ago.