my rating: Two cavernous vagina jokes short of a perfect homage.

what possessed me: You know how they pluralized Alien and made the best sequel ever? I thought they might have found a formula for success.

what i learned: Hey you. Did you like Predator? Well, so did the guys who made this movie. I mean, they might have liked it even more than you did. While you were eating Chee-toes and/or smoking a joint laughing at Carl Weathers losing an arm in an eerie portent to the events of Happy Gilmore, these guys were taking notes on all the stuff they’d reference if they made their own sequel. And they took pretty good notes. But it plays like a couple of junior high kids got a Summer blockbuster budget and went to town. In the best and worst sense. While some design choices seem silly and Laurence Fishburne’s character should have been a little more like Samuel L. Jackson in Deep Blue Sea, the movie is a fun jaunt. Also, it’s good to know that (unlike the ultimately more predatory and savage Aliens), at their cores Predators are a lot like us. They’re jerks.

you may also enjoy: Predator, Predator 2, Alien vs. Predator, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, Hellboy and unabated fanboy-ism.

tangential thought: It wasn’t until the credits rolled for this movie that I realized “I’m gonna have me some fun” is from Long Tall Sally. I just that that guy from the original movie was kind of hilariously insane. Ignorance may be bliss after all.

my rating: Triple score multiplier for Diddy.

what possessed me: Piopi was trying to convince me to see Grown Ups and I hastily concocted an alternate plan.

what i learned: You know, Forgetting Sarah Marshall was pretty funny. A healthy smattering of said ha-has can be attributed to Russell Brand, and to a lesser but still potent extent Jonah Hill. That was unintentionally filthy. At any rate, this re-teaming doesn’t disappoint. It does wander into unexpected and unusual territory in the last section, but hangs on to the funny. But who knew Sean Combs was going to be the shiniest star at the sparklefest? Until I saw this movie, I hadn’t forgiven him for discovering Mase. But we cool now. We cool.

you may also enjoy: Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I Love You, Man and all the other good ones.

tangential thought: If I were an unruly rock star, I would simply demand dumplings in my dressing room at every venue. It is this lack of charismatic quirkiness that prevents me from being a rock star. And a complete and all-inclusive lack of musical prowess.

my rating: One Totoro in a herd of Winnie the Poohs.

what possessed me: Pixar made another movie.

what i learned: This new outing for Woody and Buzz is pretty much everything I expected from a Toy Story flick. The humor is often as creepy as it is funny, especially when it involves Ken and Barbie. Despite the announcement of Cars 2, I’m glad Pixar hasn’t lost its touch. While I was told several times over that this was going to be a tearjerker, I didn’t find it any more sentimental than the other two, but the action was surprisingly grand in scale. Oh, and I’m conflicted about the necessity of Lego Toy Story toys. Okay, not really. They’re awesome.

you may also enjoy: Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Monsters, Inc., Tonari no Totoro and plastic likenesses.

tangential thought: My most memorable toy loss was when I was playing at my mom’s old gallery and put a M.A.S.K. figure in the electrical panel, only to have him fall backwards and irretrievably down into the wall. I would later steal that same figure from my friend Casey Heinz. I was not a good kid, and I will atone for my past in hell.

my rating: Three cheers for catchphrases. Out of six. Six catchphrases or cheers? Yes.

what possessed me: The Cracka and I have subtly shifted our affection for Bradley Cooper from offhand joke to a symptom of serious mental illness.

what i learned: I have little recollection of the show, if I’m being totally honest. I remember that it was like MacGyver with a black van, a guy from Battlestar Galactica, crass attitudes and guns. More likely than not, I was too righteous for it. Or afraid. Or both. But I’m all grown up and teeming with carefully cultured hate cells now. So I’m happy to report that the movie is a physics-blaspheming success. It’s also a study in inconsequential and caricaturishly generic supporting characters. The girl! The bad guy! The other bad guy! A third bad guy! And while I am aware that sounds like jagged gouge in the minus column, but I defy you to see the movie and care.

you may also enjoy: The A-Team (maybe?), S.W.A.T., The Big Hit, Ocean’s Eleven, and when a ridiculous plans come together.

tangential thought: I love my sister so much that when we decided our roles in our own A-Team and she called Murdock, I didn’t even put up a fight and quietly accepted Face. But we both know I’m still the wild card.

my rating: Fifty-six guilty out of two suspects.

what possessed me: Dahee and I saw this trailer for the latest film by the director of Shimotsuma Monogatari a few weeks ago, and yesterday she reminded me it had opened. That about covers it.

what i learned: I haven’t had such an intense reaction to a movie since I first saw Japanese high school kids in a free-for-all survival game. I can’t say that I enjoyed it, but the world is a little different now that I’ve seen it. I begrudge my own humanity for sympathizing with each of the characters, and I’m ready to deify Tetsuya Nakashima the for putting desolation and heartbreak in such a eye-numbing package. Please, see this movie.

you may also enjoy: Battle Royale, Dancer in the Dark, Riri Shushu no Subete, Evangelion and beauty in decay.

tangential thought: I know it’s a totally common surname, but between Yumi, Mika and Tetsuya, the Nakashima gene-pool seems rife with awesome. And how the fuck did I manage to forget how great Radiohead is?

my rating: Ninety-six pounds of moxie on eight wheels.

what possessed me: On the plane to Hong Kong, I was choosing between this and New Moon, and decided that I’d prefer to see those few brief moments of Dakota on a screen larger than a headrest.

what i learned: I think I would have totally loved this movie if they had sent the script to the doctor for a couple extra doses of funny. Or maybe if they just let Kristen Wiig, Eve and Zoe Bell do their respective things a bit more. Still, it’s a good time, albeit a little too safe and by-the-numbers for Gertie’s directorial debut.

you may also enjoy: Stick It, Bring It On, Battle Athletes and youthful indiscretion.

tangential thought: I think Ellen Page picked this movie over Drag Me To Hell, which seems to me like a questionable call.

my rating: Two old chums in a land of tea, crumpets and fisticuffs.

what possessed me: Dahee and I were killing time in Ikebukuro and it was this or Did You Hear About the Morgans? I think I’ve said enough.

what i learned: Before I saw this, I had a theory that people didn’t like this movie because it’s not what they had in mind when they thought of Sherlock Holmes. Now I have a theory that people don’t like this movie because the cool fights come out of nowhere and the potentially interesting detective stuff seems gratuitously expository, and tacked-on. But it’s a movie that’s easy on the eyes with fun accents, so whatever.

you may also enjoy: From Hell, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Hellboy II: The Golden Army and unfulfilled potential.

tangential thought: I kind of feel like Rian Johnson could have done a really good job with this. But he could probably make a movie I’d worth watching out of a story about two comically different sisters who use witchcraft to fight a family curse wherein their lovers die young.

my rating: Two variations on each of five moe character archetypes.

what possessed me: My favorite 2D lady hits the big screen. This is the kind of thing for which I can withstand the smell that accompanies a theater full of anime fans for over two hours.

what i learned: If I woke up one day in the land of questionably placed CG doorknobs, I would tear the place apart looking for my lost tsundere without a moment’s hesitation. It’s important to appreciate the ones who make life interesting, after all. Also, I like Nagato so much that I was able to enjoy a cappella.

you may also enjoy: Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu, Toki wo Kakeru Shoujo, Back to the Future and the company of odd, irreplaceable friends.

tangential thought: Because I’m against piracy of endeavors I deem creatively worthwhile, I waited until I’d already seen this movie twice before I read the fan-translated version of the novella and headed back to the box office. Yes, my Japanese remains woefully inadequate.

my rating: One instance of getting the horns out of eight attempts at messing with the bull.

what possessed me: I heard through the grapevine that this was the next Blair Witch Project, and we don’t get a lot of American horror movies in the theaters over here. The “grapevine” here is read “Facebook.”

what i learned: If you’re a douche and keep daring the unknown to show you what it’s got, I’m not going to feel sorry for you when you get what you asked for. I am glad that this movie caused such a stir though, because it’s the kind of smart, low-budget, (mostly) effective horror that’s going to spawn a crap ton of copies. Some of these will be better, some of them will have boobies.

you may also enjoy: Open Water, [Rec], The Blair Witch Project, MTV’s Fear and sleeplessness.

tangential thought: Watching the trailers for this movie is like searching YouTube for 2 Girls 1 Cup reaction videos. So, it’s pretty good marketing that makes you feel icky.

my rating: One giant face.

what possessed me: When QT makes a movie, I see it regardless of subject matter, weather conditions, dankness of viewing spaces and level of Eli Roth’s hamminess. This is the first time it took me half a year to see one of his movies a second time.

what i learned: While he’s added cranking the suspense up to eleven, weaving another definitive revenge tale, having the most impressively horrifying screen villain since Unicron and re-writing history to his repertoire, nothing beats an old-fashioned Tarantino-style Mexican stand-off. My jealousy and appreciation of his ability to seamlessly blend genres and styles without ending up with disjointed, steaming poo stands unabated.

you may also enjoy: Pulp Fiction, Grindhouse, Kill Bill, Doomsday and exceeded expectations.

tangential thought: Is it just me or do half the guys in this movie look like Ewan McGregor?